Where do I go from here?

Here are our nine top tips that will really make a difference to your Emotional Intelligence at work:

1. Feelings

Get in touch and acknowledge with your feelings on a daily basis, or as often as you can. The more you do this, the more natural it becomes.

2. Try not to judge those feelings

All feelings are important and valid. Bad feelings are normal and natural. In the real world life gives us difficult things to deal with, causing us to have varying emotions. Allowing ourselves to acknowledge our good and bad feelings will help us to progress through them more quickly. Blocking difficult feelings may stop us from moving beyond them, and this can lead to anxiety, depression or other negative states

3. Express your strong feelings

Write things down or make a drawing to express what you are feeling and get it out there! Sometimes we even recommend that clients punch a cushion or scream into it to express their anger or frustration (whilst always keeping safe of course). If you can express and manage your feelings in private, you are more likely to be in a mindful and aware state at work – and less likely to be triggered and to react inappropriately. You can also consider where these powerful feelings might come from – many strong feelings come from our past and from traumas we have experienced previously. If they are too overwhelming or you are stuck, seek help from a counsellor.

4. Share your feelings with your team

We recommend a check-in at the beginning of meetings where each person briefly says what they are feeling (good, bad and ugly) and why, in just one or two sentences. You begin, becoming a role model by being as honest and open as you can be (the more honest and open you are, the more people are likely to trust you). This allows people in your team to understand how everyone else is, and how they can support each other. However, some people will need time to build the trust that enables them to open up, so don’t push them.

5. Reflecting

So many of us are busy, busy, busy! We don’t reflect on what we are feeling or what has happened to us. Reflecting on conversations, meetings, team collaboration and project relationships is important, not just in terms of whether they achieved the right outcome but to think about how you felt and how you behaved in the situation. Start with yourself and then look more widely at other relationships. How did your attitude and behaviour affect others? Did you spot instances where people might be struggling with their relationships in the team? Were difficult situations resolved well in an emotionally intelligent way? As a leader this will provide you with great insights into team dynamics and how to improve them using your own EI skills. A clash within a team can affect everybody; noticing it and trying to support those involved at an early stage can make things run a lot more smoothly. Take 10 minutes at the end of each day to reflect.

6. Self care and renewal

It is so important to give yourself time and space to renew – this will enable you to feel more mindful and in control of your feelings and behaviour more often. Think about those things that you love doing that you might not give yourself time to do, whether it’s country walks, swimming, having dinner with friends, having a long soak in the bath, mediation, yoga, or walking the dog. Whatever it is, make sure you give yourself time to do this during the week. It will support your emotional intelligence and, combined with all the points above, will definitely enhance your resilience and ability to manage difficult situations.

7. Grounding

The suggestions in point 6 above are very “grounding”. Grounding means that you feel more in the present, and more connected to your body and the world. This is the opposite to how people feel when they are very anxious or having a panic attack. Breathing steadily, walking, exercising and being present in the moment are very important aspects of grounding. Daily grounding and renewal exercises are amazing for keeping a steady state.

8. Ask for help

We often find that people are reluctant or embarrassed to ask for help. In fact it is rather a healthy thing to do, especially when pressures are overwhelming or you are facing a particularly challenging situation. Having someone to bounce feelings and ideas off is especially important for leaders and managers, as well as for those who want to make big leaps in their Emotional Intelligence. It helps you to understand your patterns of behaviour and where some of your stronger feelings and reactions come from.

9. Remember you are a human being

You are going to make mistakes, but do keep trying and learning from those mistakes. We cannot be perfect in our relationships with others, and so forgive yourself if you do things wrong. An important aspect of self-regard to be able to accept yourself as a human who will make mistakes.